Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
