Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
