i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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