Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
