the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
