I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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