shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just cut my nipple shaving
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
