dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They took my balls.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
