let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
