So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
