i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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