never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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