Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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