For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
