Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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