When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
