Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
