Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
