uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
