just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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