we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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