Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
