If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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