Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize