i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
