she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
