Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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