Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
