btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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