Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
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