..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
