Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
