Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
