omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
