if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
