so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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