Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
