You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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