We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize