Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
