I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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