you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
