Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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