I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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