I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
