He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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