I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
