my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
