We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
