the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
