So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
