so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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