my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
