i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
