Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
