dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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