Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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