you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
