Redeem this text for a blowjob
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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