If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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