Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
