Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm too high and old for this...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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