You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
