Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
