I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
