Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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