Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
