Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my being single is dangerous.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
