the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
