omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
COCAINE IS GR8
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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