He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
